Dear Coffee Haters: Stop Throwing Shade in My Cup
I’m not addicted. I’m committed.
I’ve had a lot of breakups in my life.
With people. Places. Haircuts.
But I am not even thinking about breaking up with coffee.
There’s a special place in the universe for those sacred early morning moments when half of the world is still asleep, my hair is a mess, and that first steamy sip touches my lips like it’s a blessed reunion.
So when someone says, “I don’t need coffee to function”, or “You really shouldn’t rely on caffeine like that.” I don’t feel inferior.
I feel attacked.
Listen, if you don’t like coffee, that’s fine. We can still be friends. But when you start throwing passive-aggressive shade like “You should try waking up naturally”, that’s when we’ve got a problem.
And to them I say:
Leave my coping mechanism alone.
Let Me Be Very Clear:
I don’t need coffee.
I choose it.
I worship it.
I let it flirt with my senses, wake up my soul, and help me remember my middle name before 10 a.m.
It’s not just a beverage. It’s a morning ceremony.
A lifestyle.
A love language.
Call It Addiction. Call It Devotion.
Yes, coffee has caffeine.
Yes, caffeine does magical things like improving focus, lighting up dopamine pathways, and keeping your inner squirrel brain from chasing imaginary acorns.
Basically, a cup of coffee is a mild, legal, socially acceptable antidepressant in a mug.
With oat milk.
No, I don’t need a peer-reviewed study to tell me that. I feel it in my bones and in the 47 tasks I somehow get done before noon.
Fun fact: Voltaire allegedly drank 72 cups of coffee a day. Diderot wrote the encyclopedia on caffeine.
Those men understood the assignment.
So if you think my oat milk flat white is dramatic, you haven’t seen dramatic.
Coffee Is My Therapist, My Coach, and My Co-Conspirator
Want to know what real productivity feels like?
Two sips in and suddenly I’m answering emails, making life plans, flipping my identity, writing away and reorganising my closet. All at the same time.
(Kidding. No. Not really)
But coffee doesn’t make me creative. It just hands me the pen and gets out of the way.
That’s the difference. I don’t rely on it.
I collaborate with it.
“But what about anxiety?” they ask.
Listen, I’ve had far worse anxiety from group chats, unclear texts, and people who say “Let’s catch up sometime” with no intention of ever doing so.
If coffee makes you jittery, don’t drink it.
If it makes you feel like you’re about to fight a raccoon in your kitchen, maybe lay off the espresso.
And if it raises your blood pressure? So does Twitter.
Pick your poison.
But don’t blame the drink for what your nervous system is already begging you to unpack.
The only thing worse than bad coffee is coffee guilt.
There was a time I scrutinised everything I consumed.
Every calorie. Every ingredient. Every “wellness” rule I was supposed to follow to achieve some glowing version of health I’d never actually met.
And you know what happened?
I got sicker. More anxious. More depleted. Because deprivation doesn’t equal discipline. It just equals exhaustion.
Since I started drinking coffee for the sole pleasure of it, not because I have to or mindlessly choke it down my throat, it started serving me.
So, if you are not sure if coffee is your thing, ask yourself what is it about your lifestyle that makes you tired? Perhaps instead of reaching for that next cup, change your daily routine.
Why are you craving comfort? Where are you not feeling safe and satisfied that you need to search for it outside?
Coffee’s not a cure-all. It won’t solve your burnout or your breakup. But it can be a moment of delight, a creative spark, a warm hug with caffeine in it.
And that’s enough.
Coffee + Mindfulness = Modern Spirituality
Let’s talk rituals.
You meditate? Great.
I sip coffee slowly, savour the aroma, and stare out the window like a romantic poet waiting for her muse.
The ritual of making coffee is my kind of mindfulness.
The slow pour. The first inhale. The quiet moment where the world hasn’t asked for anything yet.
It’s not just a drink. It’s a pause button in a world that never shuts up.
And isn’t that the sexiest kind of relationship?
The kind you choose daily.
The kind that doesn’t ask for perfection.
The kind that shows up when you need it, but doesn’t fall apart when you take a break.
Yes, sometimes I go decaf. Sometimes I detox. Sometimes I wake up and decide I don’t want any at all.
But when I come back? It’s not desperate or co-dependent.
It’s just me and my coffee.
Looking at each other like, “Shall we pick up where we left off?”
And we do.
So to the coffee skeptics, the green smoothie evangelists, and the self-righteous decaf drinkers:
Let me keep my coffee.
Let me keep my peace.
Let me keep this tiny act of joy in a world that often demands too much.
Because at the end of the day, I’m not saying coffee is the answer to everything.
I’m just saying it’s the reason I’m still speaking to people before 9 a.m.
I am allowed to enjoy something simply because I enjoy it.
And sometimes, that’s all the self-care I need.
Oh, one last thing:
The only size that matters...
is the size of my coffee cup. ☕️
P.S.
If this made you smile (or sigh in caffeinated solidarity), forward it to a fellow coffee worshipper. Or save it for your next slow morning. You know, the ones where the world makes just a little more sense... after the second sip.